A freewrite

I should do this more often

I’m making myself do a freewriting post after seeing Sara Benincasa do one on her Patreon; I decided to challenge myself to try to do a 15 minute post, because I am a bit weird.

I have a few draft e-mails in my GMail account that I haven’t started yet; I want to get back in the habit of sending longer, messier messages (see last Substack post) in a space where I don’t have as many eyes on what I write, unless the recipient decides to forward it to someone for a good laugh. Not that I expect these people to do so, but technically it could happen. There really isn’t a lot happening, so I need to be able to articulate what I feel, which is not always the easiest thing to do when you have alexithymia. But sometimes I feel like the boilerplate catch-up letter is just too surface-level.

Spending time alone with a cat is probably the most regulating thing I do these days. Cats just seem to enjoy my company for some reason. Maybe they suspect I’m one of them. My girl Autumn used to be feral, and spent over a year at the shelter before I adopted her; she was originally slated to be a barn cat but warmed up to one of the shelter workers enough to be a potential house cat. She wants her cuddles, but she also wants her autonomy, which I identify with her about. She has her routines, and she wants me to follow them.

The summer is mostly here, too bright sometimes. The fan is on in the bedroom, the buses are too crowded, and there are a bunch of patios full of people on Argyle Street that I keep saying that I would try out but decide I don’t want to spend the money on. There is only enough free time I have, and only so much money I can drop on frivolous things. Adulthood is fun, isn’t it.

FIN