Every day before work, my cat Autumn really turns up the cute, as if to try to trick me into not leaving the apartment. It never works, but I appreciate the gesture. When I return, she usually emerges from wherever she’s been to meow at me for treats and lead me to the bedroom for cuddles, but I wonder what she does while I’m gone. I guess she just sleeps, eats, uses the litter box, and cackles at whatever birds she sees through the window, but I have to wonder whether she’s confused why I’m not around, or if she gets lonely when I’m away.
Cats seem to really likely me for some reason; I’m pretty sure that I’ve already mentioned how much my sister’s cat Daffodil adores me (and I her). Cats also make me less tired than people do. I’m pretty sure Autumn appreciates when I talk to her (or at least tolerates the extra noises that come out of my mouth; I’m not sure how much she comprehends the English language), but I don’t feel any pressure to come up with something interesting to say like I do with other human beings. When she gets bored with me, she’ll just walk away and go do whatever interests her at that very minute.
I came to the conclusion that I didn’t want children a while ago. I have nothing against them; they can be entertaining, and it is amazing to see people develop personalities and identities over time, but the responsibility seems so physically and mentally exhausting. Transitioning has also removed the possibility of having biological children of my own, which I don’t really consider a big loss.
I really dislike how the Right invokes “parents’ rights”, especially when they protest against LGBTQ rights or “indoctrination” by public schools (the biggest case of projection ever). The well-being of a child is a parent’s responsibility, but each child is a human being and their own person; reducing people to property opens them up to abuse. You can teach a child your values, but it is ultimately the child’s right to accept or reject them; you cannot control their minds, no matter how hard you try by withholding information or demonizing any other viewpoint.
I’m writing to fill time, to keep my mind more active than it would be just flipping back and forth between tabs and applications on a computer. A friend reminded me of a time when I was making more of an effort to comment on others’ social media posts instead of just lurking and liking; I should get back to that again. Maybe I want a response, maybe I don’t. There are a lot of people that I wish I were better friends with. There are also a few who I wouldn’t object to perhaps going a little further than that with, but that’s more of a passive interest than anything I would act on.
My biggest fantasy these days is a rested body and fully regulated nervous system, but the latter is something that probably isn’t going to happen anytime soon. I’ve been listening to Jen Kirkman’s You Are A Lot; if you want to know more about what I experience, it’s worth checking out. Kirkman recently got an autism diagnosis on top of her previously diagnosed ADHD, and I find that a lot of things she talks about hit home. I wonder how many people feel that about what I write here.
The "parent's rights" types are really telling on their authoritarian beliefs.
I too have decided to never have kids, mostly because it is a Heck of a Lot of Work to raise another human being, who is their own autonomous person.