Little things, here and there
Just another periodic update
I hate the feeling where my mind jumps around from thought to thought as it were a phonograph needle on a scratched record. This usually happens at the end of the work day, when I supposedly should be able to do whatever I want but can never concentrate long enough to actually achieve anything. I can’t write. I can’t clean. I can’t relax. I can’t sit still long enough to watch anything. My brain goes from step one to step five, back to step three, then goes to a different list altogether.
I get lost in my own head too often.
I feel myself chasing after things lately. Novelty. Positive reinforcement. I go to the same sites over and over to see if there’s been anything new that sparks something. I get the sense that most of what I do is to get others’ approval and validation. Do I have anything to say, or do I just want to be acknowledged? Am I just regurgitating the same points over and over? Maybe it’s less repetitive for other people.
I try to limit my Twitter use lately, but I’m not particularly good at that. I know it doesn’t help being exposed to all the stories about politicians trying to outlaw our existence and protect white people from acknowledging that they’re capable of evil. These days, it’s mostly a place to share others’ posts that I find interesting, or links to my sketch comedy reviews and blog posts.
I had to order a few replacement keys for my laptop. Autumn pulled the left Ctrl key and the M loose sometime back when she was laying claim to the keyboard; the M still works somewhat, but it’s a pain in the ass to write blog posts when it sticks, and I never feel like using my phone for any longer-form writing. It’s easier for me to lose myself in the process when I’m at a computer.
I took myself to the Glitter Bean after my dentist appointment on Friday; it was nice just to sit and bask in the presence of other cute queers, but as it filled up I felt like I needed to finish my Cafe Mocha. Maybe people recognized me, maybe not. I have to make myself comfortable with going alone to places more often, even though sometimes I feel too old and awkward to pull it off.
I need to stay out after work more often, even if I don’t have an excuse. I could use the sunlight and the break in my routine.
My birthday is coming up at the beginning of April. I still don’t know whether I’m actually going to do anything to celebrate this year; it would be nice to see a lot of you, but I’m not sure that I’m up to being around multiple people at a time right now. In the years where I don’t bother with a gathering, I just take myself out to dinner.
If anyone wants to buy me something, music is always a nice idea; I’m usually in the mood to listen to something or another. (Speaking of listening to music, I really need to have another vinyl night with Steve sometime soon). I have separate Amazon wishlists for vinyl and CDs; it’s probably overkill, but one list that covers every single thing feels too messy for me.
I’ve been on a huge jazz kick recently. I think part of it came from listening to some Wayne Shorter after he died at the beginning of the month; jazz is the kind of music that I enjoy more when I’m able to actively listen, and I’ve been letting myself shut the world out and follow where the players take me.
I’ve also been rewatching a bunch of old TV shows on DVD, particularly The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Bob Newhart Show, and M*A*S*H. I still watch a few other things here and there on streaming (I just finished the 2022 A League Of Our Own series and really enjoyed it), but I figure I paid money for those DVD sets years ago and may as well take advantage of having them.
My plan is to finish the drafts for the rest of the SCTV season 2 and SNL season 13 reviews by the end of March. I’ve been meaning to watch so many other shows and movies for the last little while, and will probably feel more up to doing so once I have the review stuff out of the way. I take this hobby way too seriously.