Overloaded
The latest from me
I experience sensory overload from time to time; for me, it doesn’t really manifest in emotional meltdowns, but I notice I get headaches, can’t seem to access my thoughts, and everything around me just feels that much more irritating. When I’m in that state, everything takes a lot more effort, my imposter syndrome rises, and I just can’t handle being around people any more than the bare minimum needed. There’s a lot of just laying in bed.
These stretches can be a bit lonely. I’ve learned to recognize that my body needs the rest more than anything else, but a part of me misses the things I used to be able to do, or at least convince myself I was. I get to wondering how I managed to do that.
I don’t know if I’m fully through my most recent bout (or whether I truly ever will be). I’m regaining the ability to find my words, but the process has been slow. It is also harder to reconnect with people these days, especially in a post-lockdown world. The temperatures have been rising for a little while, though, to the point that I can ditch the heavy winter boots and put on my much more comfortable Chucks, and I feel more like spending time outside.
I finally got around to reading Elliot Page’s memoir Pageboy, and I have never read anything that resonated as hard as this book has. He really captured the sensations of physical and emotional attraction, depression, and how dysphoria strangles you even before you find the words to describe what’s happening, only getting tighter until you decide to do something about it. I often forget he’s only five years younger that I am.
I also really enjoyed how there are so many descriptions of Halifax and Nova Scotia. There’s just something about reading about familiar neighbourhoods and landscapes in a book, especially when they’re not the places that usually get written about.
The more I think about it, the more I believe that the great love of my life is going to turn out to be a cat. Autumn and I just seem to get each other, but cats have always loved me, from my family’s old cat Natalie (1997-2016) to my younger sister’s kitty Daffodil (Dilly for short).
Signing off today with a song for everyone who knew they were different when they were kids.