January was a long month, both in the literal and figurative sense. I’m glad to see it go, and I assume I’m far from the only one who is; this year it seemed particularly rough. Life is exhausting even on a good day, but there were too many days in the past few weeks where I just had no energy to do anything beyond scrolling on my phone; even more frustrating were the evenings where I was tired, yet somehow unable to fall into a nap.
I’m tired of a lot of things, like the far-right chuds making a big stink about Taylor Swift dating a football player, or the awards season discourse. I’m sick of the Puritan influence on the world. Maybe I just need to take some vacation time; I can’t really afford to go anywhere (aside from visiting family, which can be draining) but last year I took the week before my birthday off to catch up on rest.
I feel a bit disconnected from people lately. I try to remedy this with posting here and on social media, as well as the occasional group e-mail blast, but I think what I really need is confirmation that I’m being seen and understood, even if it’s just a message that says “seen and understood” instead of a similar sharing of vulnerability.
There are some very scary developments happening with regards to trans rights (or the revocation thereof). First, Florida decided to implement a rule that stops people from being able to change their gender markers on their drivers’ licenses, as well as rendering all existing drivers licenses with changed gender markers as fraudulent. Iowa is also heading down a similar path, with a bill that would end all legal representation of trans people, as well as limit changing gender markers to those with letters from their doctors and surgeons that confirm their “sex designation” has change; even then, they would be forced to have both genders indicated on their licenses.
These laws are specifically targeting trans people, with the intention of making damn well sure that we are othered and “marked” for further discrimination. There are some other writers who have already discussed this better than I could, particularly Erin Reed, Chrissy Stroop, and Parker Malloy; I urge you to check out all of their posts on the situation. Writing about this subject is particularly exhausting when you’re affected by it, and I’m amazed at their stamina in keeping us informed.
Canada isn’t safe from this kind of targeted legislative attack either, especially since New Brunswick and Saskatchewan enacted policy changes regarding students using different names and pronouns at school. Alberta premier Danielle Smith decided to one-up these provinces when she announced plans for legislation that would limit access to puberty blockers, hormones and surgeries, as well as require schools to notify parents about any name or pronoun changes (and ask for consent for children under age 15), among other things. Smith also had the gall to frame it (complete with soft music) in the video announcing these changes as “love” and “support”.
It reminds me way too much of parents who say they spank their kids in the name of “love”.
I know in the grand scheme of things, my own problems are miniscule. I’m fortunate to be working, housed, and have a good relationship with my family. Compared to other countries and even provinces, where I live is fairly safe with regard to my rights as a trans person. I also don’t have bombs raining down on me while the rest of the world makes excuses for it to continue. But the cruelty of the world is just too exhausting to comprehend sometimes, and it only seems to be getting worse.
Sometimes you just need to bow out with something gentle. This track closes the first side of Brian Eno’s album of the same name.
I'm here! We're here! Witnessing each other. xoxo
I understand. I feel you and confirm that I am here. Be good to yourself.