There is not enough space for my rage.
I just can’t handle the sheer cruelty happening in Gaza; from all observation, the amount of carnage is deliberate, with the residents being herded from city to city with promises of “safety” that the Israeli army has no intention of keeping. The lessons of the past few months seem to be that people are disposable, and anything is OK as long as certain people do it to the “correct” target. That seems to be true everywhere.
I read somewhere that there are more Christian Zionists than there are actual Jews in the world. It disgusts me that so many people who support the state of Israel consider the people they purport to be protecting as only the means to the end of Jesus returning, mere cannon fodder for their own reward in Heaven.
Are people actually naïve enough to believe that they somehow don’t have the capacity to harm others, or are they just quick to try to find justification for it? I really don’t know anymore. A lot of the illusions I had about the state of the world have crumbled. The only value that a lot of people really believe in is their own power; it’s why the Christian Nationalists still cozy up to a thoroughly irredeemable person as a candidate for President of the United States.
I want my mind to quiet down. I check and re-check my different accounts, keep chasing those hits of dopamine. I think about a woman who looks like an Acadian Emily Blunt and how I’ll probably always mentally pronounce the name Ida as “eeda”. I have the leftover echoes of songs, books, and TV shows mixing together in my head. It would be nice not to process every little thing happening inside or around me.
The sun is too bright, but I get blue when the weather’s miserable and I can’t stand getting caught in a downpour. Just give me a few clouds and a gentle breeze.
It's been a lot. My mental health has not been great and I attribute most of that to the knowledge of such incredible violence happening and the helplessness to stop it.