this man is one of the reasons I don’t trust myself or my feelings. not even 12 years of therapy and deconstruction have gotten rid of the deep brainwashing. today my shriveled gay heart is doing a little dance.
I remember my sister and I thought the priests at the alter(!) and the nuns at Sunday school at our catholic church in the rural midwest U.S. were so creepy and sinister there must be something horrible lurking in this thing called church. Fortunately for us, our parents left the catholic church when I was ten or so. They became devoutly not-religious. Even though I did not grow up in a religious environment, I am acutely aware of religious abuse and religious trauma as so many people I meet live with this. Maybe I meet more religiously abused folks because I work in social services but I have a sneaking suspicion I don’t see a disproportionate representation. I believe religion-based parenting advice and the attendant punishment (so many things in religions are very punishing!) is so widespread people don’t even notice. Or they do and don’t think it’s a bad thing because after all children (like women) need to be controlled or society would fail.
I can’t remember who introduced me to Dobson. I actually haven’t thought about it/him in years! I think it was a newsletter format. I tend to blank out certain things. My daughter was born when I was barely 22. Even the delivery doctor (on call & with no knowledge of me whatsoever) at some point DURING my labor and with a disapproving attitude called me “young mother” with the implication that I was too young to be a mother. My daughter was not even born! JUDGMENT MUCH!?!?! He wouldn’t be the first or the last to assume that I wasn’t ready or capable. Advice came in droves!!! I was aware enough to not assume older or any other criteria equated to being right. I also didn’t assume that I knew everything. I recognized that what my daughter and I had was something no one else had. And that is the case with all parents and their children. Each relationship is unique and each can benefit from paying attention to the specific needs of that child. Not other parents, or their children or even children in the same family that came earlier or later. Also, recognizing that parents grow from children. There is so much to learn.
So well said!!!
this man is one of the reasons I don’t trust myself or my feelings. not even 12 years of therapy and deconstruction have gotten rid of the deep brainwashing. today my shriveled gay heart is doing a little dance.
I remember my sister and I thought the priests at the alter(!) and the nuns at Sunday school at our catholic church in the rural midwest U.S. were so creepy and sinister there must be something horrible lurking in this thing called church. Fortunately for us, our parents left the catholic church when I was ten or so. They became devoutly not-religious. Even though I did not grow up in a religious environment, I am acutely aware of religious abuse and religious trauma as so many people I meet live with this. Maybe I meet more religiously abused folks because I work in social services but I have a sneaking suspicion I don’t see a disproportionate representation. I believe religion-based parenting advice and the attendant punishment (so many things in religions are very punishing!) is so widespread people don’t even notice. Or they do and don’t think it’s a bad thing because after all children (like women) need to be controlled or society would fail.
I can’t remember who introduced me to Dobson. I actually haven’t thought about it/him in years! I think it was a newsletter format. I tend to blank out certain things. My daughter was born when I was barely 22. Even the delivery doctor (on call & with no knowledge of me whatsoever) at some point DURING my labor and with a disapproving attitude called me “young mother” with the implication that I was too young to be a mother. My daughter was not even born! JUDGMENT MUCH!?!?! He wouldn’t be the first or the last to assume that I wasn’t ready or capable. Advice came in droves!!! I was aware enough to not assume older or any other criteria equated to being right. I also didn’t assume that I knew everything. I recognized that what my daughter and I had was something no one else had. And that is the case with all parents and their children. Each relationship is unique and each can benefit from paying attention to the specific needs of that child. Not other parents, or their children or even children in the same family that came earlier or later. Also, recognizing that parents grow from children. There is so much to learn.