Winding down 2025

Some thoughts on a year that put too many of us through the wringer

It’s been a difficult year, and I don’t see any point in pretending otherwise. I can’t really speak for anyone reading this, but the general theme I keep seeing in people’s posts online is that 2025 has thrown way too many hardships at us. For me the specific things I can think of are the pet losses in my family that I’ve already written about¹, but a lot of it is just more trivial stuff like dental expenses that weren’t covered by my limited insurance (I’ll survive, just more debt), as well as the general wear and tear of life.

It’s so damn bleak out there and the news has been relentless. It’s been exhausting to watch some of the worst human beings gain even more power, and waste no time in abusing it in order to both enrich themselves and cause untold suffering to whoever they want. I know there is no level of appeasement that will ever be good enough for these ghouls, but it’s still sobering to see just how depraved some of these people are, and how easily they can snuff out so much good.

I know I’m the kind of person the current American regime doesn’t want to exist (trans, queer, autistic, politically left wing), but I also remember how much privilege I have as a white person in Canada with a decent (unionized!) job, my own apartment, and low support needs. I’m also aware that anything can change at a given moment.

I’ve been thinking about how different Halifax has become since I moved here in 2012. I remember both the fancy burger and frozen yogurt places trend passing quickly. The cost of living has definitely gone up; I don’t know if I would have lasted here if I hadn’t landed a permanent job. So many of the places that gave the city its character have been closed or torn down, replaced by condos that the average city resident can’t afford. People have moved away, or we just became more distant as our lives changed (also, as I said many times before, I am bad at reaching out). There are also a lot of places and people that are still around, though, and it is reassuring to see them whenever I do.

Change is inevitable, and it’s pointless to believe otherwise. I still have to make room for whatever grief I may feel about it, though. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t gutting to see whatever progress was being made in terms of social justice being callously wiped away by religious zealots and entitled billionaires, or the efforts to eliminate curiosity and empathy manifest in a boring, homogenized consumerist culture. I also need to process that there are people who are no longer in my life that I miss, or that there are things I enjoyed in the past that no longer exist, or that I don’t have the capacity for anymore.

I don’t have any year end lists to share. I also don’t really have any particular goals for the new year, at least not in terms of traditional resolutions. It’s not like there’s such thing as a magic fix that I can do that will result in happiness and financial security. There are things I want, but I don’t think a given year will be a bust if I fail to achieve a specific goal or if a habit doesn’t take. Sometimes I think to myself, “oh, I should take the camera out” or “I really should watch the rest of my unwatched DVDs and Blu-Rays”, but so much depends on how I feel on any given day.

I will likely continue to write here, and hope to share some new playlists soon, but don’t really have a specific level of output I want to achieve or vested interest in growing my audience, at least not in the way all the other posters that the algorithm serves up seem to have advice on. I don’t want to “pivot” to audio or video posts, even though the algorithms are creeping further into how this place works. While it is validating (and reassuring) to get new subscribers, I’m not going to turn on paid subscriptions anytime soon because I’m afraid it will quickly make the fun will go out of everything.

My main hope with writing here is that whoever comes across it feels somewhat less alone in the world, and that the people I know understand me a bit better in a way that may not be possible in our offline lives.

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I figured that since it’s the holiday season, it’s the right time to bust out this cover of an old Tom Waits song.

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1. See Remembering Dilly and There’s too much happening.